Now What

A huge piece of me is missing this morning. I don’t have words to describe how lost I feel without him in my world. I made the decision to stop. I made a choice to stay in my marriage. A place that is safe, secure, easy, comfortable. A place that has grown stagnant. A place where I play pretend. Pretending to be happy, pretending everything is just fine. Pretending my heart isn’t broken, pretending like he never existed. I made the choice to say no an unknown life with him. A life that would be filled with love and endless talks. Life with a person who knows everything about me and still loves me. I feel empty without him. Will it get better? Easier? He showed me a love I never knew existed, a love I never thought I would be worthy of. And now he is gone. Was this the right decision? Fuck. This feels impossible.